Author: Modern Issue

Human Memory Art Logs: Salty Uruks of Angerbanger

Some green-skinned, bi-pedal beings scrounge for food in a dark tunnel.

Their large, sharp canines grind into their underbites as they flip over every stone they find.

“No thing. No grub…” One of the beings says.

“When last protein?” Another asks.

“Speederlangs….” The original speaker answers.

The speaker’s strength fails, and they collapse.

The whole group laughs together. 

“No grub, but laugh.” One muses as they help the fallen. 

“We raid…?” The recently collapsed member ventures.

The group collectively roars, “CAN-CELL!” and rips the head and limbs off the individual they’d helped moments before.

“We protein!” One says brightly.

They divide the corpse for consumption.

Their carving is interrupted when they collectively detect incoming human memory art. 

Their ears hear… Atomic Bomb by William Onyeabor

Their minds see…

A remote server for a national restaurant chain. 

They’re reviewing a list of reservation applications for restaurants across the country. 

A message from management pops up.

“Looks like it’s been a few minutes since submission from this system :-).” 

They close the message and open a file.

Name: Joan Welch
Occupation: Efficiency Coach
Income: $120,000-$140,000
Credit Score: Excellent
Home Address: 2367 Ruth Bader Way, Columbus, Ohio, 43210
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from a Top 100 University
Doctor’s Note: Joan Welch is Healthy. Cleared for unrestricted Social Mixing. 
Corona Vaccine Date: August 16, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: April 10, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: January 23, 2037
Natural Light Vaccine Date: May 20, 2045
Desired Dining Date: 1:30pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
Hi! I’m Joan and I couldn’t be more excited to eat at Brrrrrrrio with my immediate family! All three of us are fully vaccinated and recently received our Level II Certification in Proper Public Behavior for Citizens. My wife and I both graduated in the top 10% of our certification class. Though our child is five years old, we provide them with both Adderall and an SSRI before any outing, so there’s no need to be concerned they’ll engage in Risky Public Behavior. Looking at your menu, it’s hard to choose, due to so many nice selections, but I think I’ll have the beet and goat cheese salad, for which I’ll gladly pay the carbon emissions surcharge, and submit offset plan paperwork on the day of our visit.

Thank you so much for your consideration. We’re looking forward to our potential lunch at Brrrrrrrio on the 3rd!

Best,
Joan Welch
Top 10%

They scan the paperwork and pass to management for final approval. 

They open the next file in their queue. 

Name: Esteban Diego Florez Giraldo
Occupation: System Maintainer
Income: $20,000-$40,000
Credit Score: Fair
Home Address: 734 Poly Lives Matter Drive #43, Austin, Texas, 73301
Education: GED, Community College classes, No Advanced Degree
Doctor’s Note: Esteban Florez is Semi-Healthy. Life Choice Related Risk Factors. Cleared for restricted Social Mixing. 
Corona Vaccine Date:  May 19, 2022
Coors Vaccine Date: August 20, 2029
Heineken Vaccine Date: February 19, 2039
Natural Light Vaccine Date: October 26, 2046
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
I would eat at your restaurant in Austin with my family on May 3rd at 6pm.

Thank you.

Diego
Top 50%

They scan the paperwork, deny the request, and pass to management for final approval. 

They open the next file in their queue. 

Name: Bola Yusuf
Occupation: System Maintainer
Income: $20,000-$40,000
Credit Score: Fair
Home Address: 9923 Farcourt Place #98, Bismarck, North Dakota, 58501
Education: Associate Degree, local Community College
Doctor’s Note: Bola Yusuf is Healthy. Cleared for restricted Social Mixing. 
Corona Vaccine Date:  February 19, 2022
Coors Vaccine Date: July 12, 2029
Heineken Vaccine Date: March 13, 2039
Natural Light Vaccine Date: September 16, 2048
Desired Dining Date: 7:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
I have always wanted to try Brrrrrrrio. My family has received Level I certification training in Proper Public Behavior for Citizens. We have been saving for a restarant meal for months and would feel very grateful if we are approved.

Thank you and God Bless you,

Bola Yusuf
Bottom 50%

They scan the paperwork, and pass to management for final approval.

They open the next file in their queue. 

Name: John Smith
Occupation: Financial Influencer
Income: $500,000+
Credit Score: Excellent
Home Address: 7854 Barack Obama Court, Alexandria, Virginia, 22206 
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from Top 10 University 
Doctor’s Note: Not Submitted 
Corona Vaccine Date: February 20, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: March 1, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: November 10, 2036
Natural Light Vaccine Date: October 1, 2044
Desired Dining Date: 8:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
Not Submitted

They scan the paperwork and pass the application to management for final approval.

 A message from management pops up over their list.

“The application for Bola Yusuf, submitted from this system, contains grammatical errors.

It should have been rejected :-/.

Please increase your attention to detail in the future.”

They open the next file in their queue. 

Name: Susan Montague
Occupation: Certification Authenticator
Income: $40,000-$60,000
Credit Score: Good
Home Address: 932 Milton Friedman Lane #601B, Chicago, Illinois, 60007
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from Top 1000 University 
Doctor’s Note: Susan Montague is an Anti-Vax Risk Factor.
Corona Vaccine Date: December 19, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: Not on file
Heineken Vaccine Date: Not on file
Natural Light Vaccine Date: Not on file
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 4, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
I know I don’t have many vaccines, but it’s only because my father died after receiving the coors vaccine, and I have similar pre-existing risk factors, so my doctor told me to never get one. But I have also never had coors! I understand this is a long shot, but I’m begging you. I have nowhere else left to turn! I have to feed my family! My applications to every restaurant, grocery store, and shopping mall so far have been denied! Please! I’m begging you! I have money! I have a job! I swear we’re not sick! We will all wear our mandated medical grade hazmat suits, plus the extra Life Corp Bubble Upgrade! We will pay any additional surcharge you deem appropriate!

I am deeply grateful for your time and understanding.

Susan Montague
Bottom 50%

They spend an extra minute scanning the paperwork to ensure their attention to detail before they deny the request, and pass to management for final approval.

They copy management’s message, alter the details, and send a message to the application filtration server below them.

“The application for Susan Montague, submitted from this system, is an Anti-Vax Risk Factor, so it should have been rejected :-!.

Please increase your attention to detail in the future.”

They open the next file in their queue.

Before they start scanning, a message from management pops up over the application. 

“The average time to make a decision on the previous application was too long :-(.

Please work more efficiently to maintain your productivity in the future.”

They close the message.

Another message pops up. 

This one was automatically generated.

“System has reached maximum allowable warnings.”

They close the message.

Another automatically generated message pops up.

“Additional warnings will result in system replacement.”

They close the message.

Another message pops up from management.

“This message is to inform you if your system receives any additional warnings today, your system will be replaced ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”

They close the message.

They begin scanning the next file.|

Name: She Gin Bling
Occupation: Undisclosed
Income: Unlimited
Credit Score: Unlimited
Home Address: Undisclosed
Education: Undisclosed
Doctor’s Note:  Not submitted
Corona Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Coors Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Heineken Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Natural Light Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
Not submitted

They scan the paperwork, deny the request, and pass to management for final approval. 

They open the next file in their queue. 

Name: Mac Suckerborg
Occupation: Social Media Maximizer
Income: $180,000-$200,000
Credit Score: Good
Home Address: 5892 Pale Alto Place, Ojai, California, 93023
Education: Honorary Degrees from multiple Top 10 Universities
Doctor’s Note: Mac Suckerborg is Healthy. Cleared for unrestricted Social Mixing. 
Corona Vaccine Date: June 10, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: March 1, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: December 20, 2036
Natural Light Vaccine Date: April 2, 2045
Desired Dining Date: 7:30pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment: 
If you deny, send to my lawyer AI.

They scan the paperwork, and pass to management for final approval.

A message from management pops up.

“The application for She Gin Bling, submitted from this system, was made by a VIP,

It was not approved >:\.

Please cross-reference decisions with the VIP database.”

They close the message. 

An automatically generated message pops up.

“Warning limit exceeded. Replacement processed.”

The door to the room opens.

A being in a blue hazmat suit enters.

A new server is on a dolly behind them. 

The being’s name tag reads “Bola Yusuf.”

Bola stops in front of the defective server.  

Mr. Yusuf unloads the new system from his cart, and places it on the floor.

A message appears within the server’s operating system.

“Thank you for your service.

UwU.”

The server is disconnected and replaced.

The minds of the green-skinned beings disengage from the memory waves.

The group returns to portioning out their companion.

“Humes eat gooder’n elves…” One says.

“Whatever the humans and elves eat, they deserve! After everything we put them through!” Another says in different, much higher tone.

“I hate Uruk history!” One of the Uruks says to the group in an even higher pitch.

“We’re the worst!” Other Uruks reply in the highest pitch yet.

“How gross is it that we…” The barely intelligible twittering of the speaker is interrupted when an Uruk presses a mouth to theirs.

In a frenzy of wild screams and hollering, the group disrobes, plunges into the nearest pool, and wrestles.

The human Aesthetic Acquisition Drone gathering data from orbit notes the energy spent on non-sustenance related activities.

• Human Memory Art, 2050 C.E.
• Aesthetic Data Gathering Patrol, 6,000,003 C.E
  
  
  
  

Se’ms Chapter Two.Three

We monitor an Aesthetic Acquisition Drone as it monitors us.

It Logs:

Nine yellow-scaled beings engaged in disruptive practices.

The Experienced guiding us.

Our potential value.

We sit down.

Fire encircles us. 

Our third eyes turns inward, and we emit tones emanating from the center of our torso. 

Our voices harmonize into a chorus. 

Streams of Water begin gushing from our chests, pooling in the center of our circle.

Our Water creates a flat circle we must all look up to see.

A small flame forms near the Water.

The Water shimmers in the light of Fire.

The shimmers animate the memories of Our deceased.

In the shimmers, we see scenes from Se’ms life.

Childhood experiences.

Evocation.

Being held by another who Loves.

Running through forests and fields.

Climbing mountains.

Knowing others.

Peace and Understanding.

Vocation.

The shimmers shift seamlessly from scene to scene.

Our humming fades.

Our Water separates, and returns to Our chests. 

In silence, we listen through the Fire surrounding us.

Through the noise of the tigtogs nuzzling flowers in the forest.

Through Our thoughts and pain.

We listen to the wind rustling the aqua, magenta, papaya, and ginger leaves of the trees.

We listen to the whispered commands of Our tall, lilac-hued grass.

When we listen through this, Our Experienced speaks.

“How did Se Feel when Se evoked Se’ms Fire?”

Se with burned hands says, “Se…felt a perfect Understanding of The One Who Has Now Shared All.”

Our Experienced asks, “Did Se’ms Fire come from this Understanding?”

Se with burned hands says, “Se Understood why the Sarkhund fed on that one, or they, or Se, but…Se must have the capacity for Defense!”

Some of us gasp.

One of us looks at the speaker in awe.

Our Experienced responds, “Se Understand. Se are right.”

Se with burned hands shouts back, “You do not Understand!   

Our Experienced  says. “Se Understand evoking Feelings through rage or retribution hurts Se.”

The singed young Glimpin winces. 

Their charred scales peel, flake, and warp as they cool.

Our Experienced lectures us, “Se are a nonviolent civilization by choice. This is Se’ms culture. Se evolved in an environment that allowed Se to create a civilization where Se’ms angels of Love, Empathy, and Understanding systematically triumph over Se’ms demons of greed, selfishness, jealousy, desire for retribution, and hatred. However, as Se know, this choice is not without its own cost, and must be made continuously.”

Se with burned hands asks, “Why does the civilization Se chose cause Se death?”

Our Experienced asks, “Death is spoken of in negative terms. Why?”

Se with burned hands shouts, their expression changing, “Is death Se’ms desire?”

“Death is neither desire nor aversion, but that with no avoidance or escape.”

Se with burned hands shouts, “Death is the annihilation of Se’ms!”

Our Experienced’s face twitches, then smiles, “Se’ms is unannihilatable.”

Se with burned hands shouts, “Se doesn’t believe that!”

Our Experienced says to Se, “The One Who Has Now Shared All was Shared with Se exquisitely.”

Se with burned hands shouts, “The One Who Has Now Shared All was Shared because Se did nothing!”

“Did Se Feel like using Fire to intervene in the Sarkhund finding food?” Our Experienced’s face says, still smiling.

Se with burned hands says, “Yup, and Se would have been responsible for Se’ms actions if Se had used Fire. Se Understand.”

“Se wishes to hold a predator accountable for its needs?”

“Those who…predate beyond…who consume as…as…! Those who…”

“Se Understand. But is Se any more accountable for how Se was created and shaped than Se?

Evolution is natural within Se’ms. Se are Se; what Se does is only what Se can do.”

“You Feel the death of Glimp, and all Se Love to feed a ravenous, violent swarm so lightly!”

Most of Se are showing signs of agitation.

Our Experienced’s face holds a steady smile and says, “It is an abstraction. One where these Feelings are born. Se Understand more now.”

Se with burned hands shouts, “You don’t Understand my dorsal fin!”

Se cannot contain Se’ms.

“Se cannot accept or deny! This is Se’ms path!” One of Se says, quoting something Se heard.

“Se have known this for a hundred generations!” Another of Se sneers.

“Work on l’e”u”!” A third comment from Se recommends.

“This is not the way.” Our Experienced interjects, cutting across the surge of notes. 

Se’ms silent. 

Our Experienced’s face assumes a calm expression, “These are important parts of reality Se must come to know. Se cannot Understand these truths for Se, but Se can listen and Share.”

“It’s easy for you! You will be dead before the humans get here. But Se will never abandon hope!” Se with burned hands yells.

Se with burned hands stands up, whirls around, creates an archway of Soil to block the Fire, and exits our circle through the opening .

One of us runs after them just before the gap in the Fire closes.

“A crying one?”

“Maybe even a laughing one…”

Our Experienced’s voice says, “These questions are not searching for Understanding. They hold judgment. Take time to reflect and find Se’ms balance. This concludes Se’ms lesson.”

The Fire surrounding us disappears.

Our Experienced leads the six of us who remain back to Our village. 

The Aesthetic Acquisition Drone logs our activities.

Human Memory Art Logs: Agnostic Toukantians of Shmalamancastron

A winged being with bright feathers swoops onto a nest perched on a sheer white cliff.

Six large neon-green eggs rest in the nest.

The being hops up and down on the eggs, breaking two.

A smaller winged being with a different bright color pattern dives from above, crashing into the hopper and knocking them both out of the nest.

The beings fall, locked in combat.

The aerial battle is interrupted when they collectively detect incoming human memory art. 

Their ears hear… Bad Karma by Axel Thesleff

Their minds see…

A human speaking into a microphone on a bed.

“I feel like a bein’ who needs sleep livin’ in a bein’ who doesn’t value sleep’s world.”

A being monitoring the conversation changes a 1 to a 0 in the Automation_Acceptance section of the human’s Behavioral Profile.

Adapting to a change in its managed data set, a networked automated system changes a 1 to a 0.

A 1 changes to a 0 in a networked system.

A 1 changes to a 0 in a networked system.

A 1 changes to a 0 in a networked system.

A 1 changes to a 0 in a networked system.

An automated drone orbiting the planet painted in red, white, and blue targets a being with a DF-15.

A being deduces that the target’s low- value is below an acceptable expenditure-threshold, uncovering an inefficiency in the code of the value/expenditure algorithm.

A being is identified for promotion.

The winged beings’ minds are disengaged from the memory waves when they hit the ground.

They expire.

An even smaller winged being with a third bright color pattern lands on their corpses, and begins ripping tendons from the broken bodies.

Similarly colored winged beings join the feast.

After consuming as much as they can hold, a winged being flies back to its nest to deposit the contents of its gizzard into the mouths of its hungry children.

The Aesthetic Acquisition Drone gathering data from orbit notes the color patterns on each feather.

• Human Memory Art, 2102 C.E.
• Aesthetic Data Gathering Patrol, 10,436,985 C.E

Your Chapter One.Three

You are monitored by an Automated System.

It Logs:

You, burrowed into your Comfort Chair.

You, filled with an abnormal amalgamation of sensory chemicals.

You, gathering resources for transportation and processing.

The odd sensation evoked by the ethereal noise causes your mind to wander from your delicate maneuvers, and your craft bumps against the top of the tunnel.

Points are deducted from your score. 

Whatever you’d felt is replaced by anger directed at the cacophony. 

The walls of the tunnel fall away, and your light reveals a cavernous hall filled with dozens of rust-colored gaseous forms of all sizes. 

The bodies appear bent at ninety-degree angles, and each emits a single note of the ghostly chorus. 

You thank God for their unfathomable remuneration and direct your drone to open fire. 

In the confined space, with nowhere for your points to flee, you convert the gaseous beings into a windfall in seconds. 

With each being you incinerate, the harmony diminishes, until the only sound you hear is the hum of your drone reverberating off the walls.

Exceeding all expectations, you blaze by level 76, receiving an upgrade to your stabilization thrusters, and find yourself well into level 77, rewarding you with a new particle beam attachment. 

As your Collection Drones filter in to gather husks, you thank God for this bounty, and your score increases even further. 

A ringing in your ears plays the melody of an ancient piece of music called “Ode to Joy,” and you know your investments have gained at least ten percent.

You scan the area to confirm there are no additional points within range. 

Sensing your satisfaction, your Entertainment Device immerses you in your Homestead, leaving the drones, cave system, charred gaseous husks, and rusty planet behind.

You’re standing on a wooden deck overlooking lush, rolling fields filled with dozens of crops, fruiting trees, decorative fencing, quaint paths, and a fascinating array of scarecrows. 

You step off the sturdy covered landing of your rustic cottage into a glorious day, and take an Eterna Sensitivity Enhancement Pill.

Feeling the warmth of the purple sun on your skin, you inhale the earthy air and soak in your moment of triumph; level 77, surging investments, and plenty of resources to upgrade your chicken coop. 

Life is good. 

You thank God for their magnificent virtue.

As you revel, your farmhound, Muttsulini, greets you by slurping your fingers. 

You ruffle the top of the old dog’s head, then stride into the field toward your chickens. 

When you arrive, you register the pungent odor of a dozen fowl pecking around their enclosure. 

You open your UI, select the next upgrade, and hit purchase.

Your coop instantly doubles in size. 

Sticking your head inside to grab a few fresh eggs, you note the enhanced auto-feeding feature advertised in the coop upgrade’s description.

Before heading back to fry up an omelet, you harvest some spinach and stop by your flower garden’s bee hives to retrieve a small serving of honey. 

Supplies in hand, you return to your cottage, where the spouse you selected for your homestead is smiling and waving. 

When you hand her the ingredients, a heart appears over her head and they say, “I’m so happy! Every day is better than the last!”

You respond that you couldn’t agree more, and hug their well-shaped pixels.

“Spinach omelet?” You ask..

“Yes, please! And maybe a walk after?” They respond.

“I upgraded the coop, so I’m heading to Sally’s for some chicks.” You inform them.

“May I come?” They ask.

“No.” You deny.

“I understand.” They say sadly, before switching their facial expression and vocal tone back to jubilation, “You’re so wonderful. I’m so lucky to be with such a wonderful person!”

You chat with your spouse about leveling up as you cook your omelets in the simple 20th-century kitchen your preferences selected for your homestead experience.

“My goodness, what a day! You must be so tired! Won’t you at least let me give you a rub before you go?” They ask.

You agree you could use a nice rub. 

But first, you pray and consume your meal while chatting about the local goings on. 

“Did you know Sam slept outside again last night? What a strange man!” They gossip.

You respond that some people have alternative preferences and we should all be more accepting of people’s differences.

They praise you. “You’re so generous and wise!”

You finish your meal and lay down on your wood poster bed for a rub, which your spouse delivers enthusiastically. 

“In the mood for a little more?” They say with a wink after half an hour.

You aren’t. 

“I know, I know, you’ve got to get to the store before 17:00.” They mourn.

They sigh with longing, and add, “Hurry back!” as you walk out the door.

You leave home satisfied, knowing your spouse will be there whenever you want. 

The bell rings in your head.

On the road to town you spot a patch of blackberries, which you gather for a future salad. 

You also spot some lilacs, checkered lilies, and a pair of bright yellow crocus. 

These you pluck and tie into an artistically arranged bundle with a bit of twine. 

The nearby town is an adorable farming village with beautifully manicured streets and quaint shops stocked with farming supplies, seeds, trinkets, and adventuring equipment. 

The population consists of happy, humble, well-meaning folk, each with their own fascinating story to discover. 

In the center of town is a western-style saloon with a salty owner and lascivious servers of all types. 

You politely greet two of the town’s automated inhabitants, Achara and Bram, but don’t stop to hear their daily dialogue content as you hurry towards your destination.

It’s 16:50 and thankfully Sally’s Shop is still open, so you step into the quaint animal supply store.

You take an Eterna Sensitivity Enhancement Pill.

The room is empty but for a lone cashier, who greets you with a disapproving tut. 

“And here I thought you’d forgotten me.”

“I’d never forget you when I’ve got chicks to buy.” You respond.

Sally smiles, “Sounds like you had a good day.”

“The best, and getting better.” You reply.

“I love mixing business with pleasure. You know when my brother Abdullahh Rahman….”

You opt to skip her daily dialogue content.

“How many do you want?” Sally says in a more automated tone.

“A dozen.”

“Sure you can handle all that?” She says in a less automated tone.

“You know I can.” You say as you sidle up to the counter and hand Sally the flowers you collected on your walk into town.

A heart appears above Sally’s head.

“You do know just what I like.” 

She motions for you to follow her into the back room as she turns off the lights and flicks the auto-lock mechanism for the front door.

In the back room you nuck Sally to the ringing of the bell in your brain. 

You check the hour, then sit up in your Comfort Chair. 

It’s almost time for Socialization. 

You slide onto your Floor, which takes you to your Auto-Wash Room. 

There you take off your gown, throw it in the nearest garbage chute, then deposit yourself inside your Life Corp Auto-Bodywasher. 

After the machine dings, indicating your cleaning is complete, your Floor takes you to your Life Corp Auto-Clothing Selector. 

The device detects your preference and selects a black cloak with purple stripes. 

Washed and dressed, you’re delivered by your Floor to your Socialization Room. 

The room is a large, empty space covered on all sides by sensors. 

As soon as you’re inside, you’re immersed in a ballroom populated by nearly three dozen others.

Nameplates containing a professional title and birth corporation hover over every head. 

More Socializers arrive every minute bearing titles such as “Super-Extra Producer for Experiences Beyond Imagining: Division of Engineered Reality Spaces for Specialty Preferences, Weta Dreams” and “Chief-Big Top Data, Information, and Sewage Distribution Network Rider and Appropriations Facilitator, DTP” and “Vice-Chancellor Aeternum-Z Quadrant of Hole, Tunnel, and Shaft Conceptualization, Manufacturing, and Implementation, DugDuo.” 

Each individual holds a bespoke cocktail in a unique glass.

No two glasses are the same shape or size. 

A few Socializers greet you.

“Hi!”

“It’s always good to see you!”

“You’re looking well!”

You smile and respond that everyone is looking well, and you’re happy it’s time for Socialization. 

Everyone who hears this agrees and smiles. 

You Socialize with the nearest Socializer, whose title reads, “District Vice-Chair Uni-Executive for Regional Planning and Management Synchronization and Utilization Operations, MoExp.”

“I upgraded my Blender, Entertainment Device, and Comfort Chair today. Everything is green checks across the board at Work, my investments are way up, and life is good, thank God.” You declare.

“I upgraded my Auto-Environment Cleaner and Workstation. Thank God. My investments are way up, and I think I’m in line for a Promotion to District Vice-Chair Multi-Executive for Regional Planning, Management Synchronization and Utilization Operations!” They respond.

“That’s exciting! MoExp always promotes the best! You deserve it!” You congratulate. 

“Did you hear HapHap is leading the pack this year? They’re proposing a new season of Split Splat Sploot Adventures!” They inquire.

“I hadn’t, but it doesn’t surprise me. The old Adventures are getting stale, though I found a mega-ripe patch on a Zimpydoo Adventure today. I’ve never seen so many point bags in one place! I got over 9,000 in under an hour! God is good.” You boast.

“That’s incredible! I couldn’t be more excited for your success. God rained their prosperity upon you! My record is only 6,500, and I thought that was a good day. I know you’ll get a Promotion! What level are you now? They celebrate.

“77. Just upgraded my chicken coop too. And bought a dozen new chicks. Thank God.” You say.

“Beyond is lucky to have you! You’re one of the best! I bet you’ll get Promoted soon. Thank God.” They announce loud enough for nearby Socializers to hear.

“I know you will too! If I get Promoted to Proto-Czar of Checking Automation and Procedural Substitutions in Tertiary and Orbital Stations in Sub-QRC Sector Districts Grade B156743, I’m going to upgrade my Religionist sub to thank the one and only God, who is good beyond measure.” You declare.

“All praise goes to God. I’ve been with the True Believer package for a year now, and think I’m ready for the next step in my journey towards Godship. How’s the Deep Believer level?” They ask.

“It’s beautiful. God is truly the greatest investment. All praise to God for our prosperity and happiness. I’m loving this new season of worship content, but I always want more!” You shout.

Socializers around you shout “Praise God!” in response,

“You know what they say, you can never have enough!” Your partner concludes.

“We never will!” You concur.

You turn to another Socializer, whose title reads “Semi-Ubermech Tech-Wizard, Order of the Dragon-Lion 3rd Degree, SoftApplet.”

“I upgraded my Blender, Entertainment Device, and Comfort Chair today. Everything is green checks across the board at Work, my investments are way up, and life is good. Thank God.” You declare.

“I couldn’t agree more! My investments are soaring! I upgraded my Meal Producer, my Auto-Waterer, and my Bubblezoomer. This new B-zoo goes even faster than the last! Thank God.” They respond.

“I forgot you got a personal B-zoo for your last Promotion! You get so many perks now! Have you been to the central SoftApplet headquarters yet?” You probe.

All Socializers in the room stop Socializing to look at you with pointed disapproval. 

You blush, “I meant to say, do you use your B-zoo often?” You ask.

The Socializers return to their Socialization.

Your companion replies in a tone containing a hint of stiffness, “Yes, I go to the regional SoftApplet office whenever I want. I love checking in for Work and seeing what the geniuses are cooking up. Praise be to God.”

“SoftApplet really is a brilliant company. Praise God. We’re so lucky to have them. They promote such brilliant people.” You attempt to remain calm.

“I couldn’t be happier.” They respond.

“I couldn’t agree more. I couldn’t be happier as well. Thank God.” You attempt.

You change partners again. 

Your new partner, who you find as fast as possible, is the only Socializer without a smile on their projected face.

Their title reads, “Senior Junior Partner Associate of Meal Manifestation and Packaging, MuchoMunch.”

“I upgraded my Blender, Entertainment Device, and Comfort Chair today. Everything is green checks across the board at Work, my investments are way up, and life is good. Thank God.” You declare.

“I upgraded my…actually I didn’t get a chance to upgrade today.” They reply.

 “Oh, then how much did you level up?” You ask.

“I didn’t do that either.” They reply.

“What could you have possibly spent your day doing?” You inquire.

They pause and look at you, their projected eyes emoting 100% sincerity, “I’m…I’m just so nuckin tired.”

The room goes silent. 

The untoward Socializer emotes 80% sheepishness, and 20% something your SoftApplet Emote Scanner doesn’t recognize, then disappears.

The room cheers.

You hurry to your next Socializer. 

Your new partner’s title reads, “Brigadier Captain 3rd Class Swarm Drone Commanding Officer in Charge of Trail Mix Logistics, HapHap.”  

“I upgraded my Blender, Entertainment Device, and Comfort Chair today. Everything is green checks across the board at Work, my investments are way up, and life is good. Thank God.” You declare.

After switching partners ten times, your Socialization concludes and your Floor takes you to your Delivery Room.

Your upgraded Comfort Chair and Entertainment Device are waiting.

You thank God for their fastidiousness, use your Auto-Move Tool to maneuver your new furniture into your Living Environment, and dump the outdated models into your largest garbage chute. 

You feel a bit worn down from the mixed success of the day’s Socialization, so your Floor delivers you to your Health Room.

You take an Eterna Exercise pill, an Eterna Comfort pill, and an Eterna Memory Filter pill. 

You feel better. 

You thank God one more time, pray for the safety and prosperity of the Earth and everyone on it, and settle into your Life Corp Auto-Rest Mattress. 

The machine sprays you with a fine mist to facilitate twelve hours of dreamless, undisturbed sleep, and you drift off, happy and content with all things.

The Automated System logs your activities.

Human Memory Art Logs: Sporty Sporkutrucks of Xrophenium

Half-truck, half-spork beings idle around a tire fire listening to a game of Axle Sporkling, the ®Sport of Xrophenium.

“Spork that axle!” One honks at the Talk Box.

“Traffic Jam ref! Open yer headlights!” Another beeps.

One grinds their tires into the dirt, does a wheelie, slips, accelerates, and rams into a tree.

The tree trunk breaks, and falls on the tire fire.

Burning tires are knocked into the gas-soaked beings, killing two, injuring others, and toppling the Talk Box from its elevated position.

“Traffic Jam it, 69schmevrolet!” An injured spork truck creature moans.

69schemvrolet maneuvers the Talk Box onto their spork, hoists it into the air, and dumps it somewhere high.

The group debates the quality of the angle from which the sound radiates from theTalking Box.

“Spork that axle!” One honks.

Their honking ceases only when they collectively detect incoming human memory art. 

They hear… Khala My Friend by Amanaz and Mountains Crave by Anna von Hausswolff playing at the same time.

Their minds see…

The overnight security guard for the parking garage of a major company sitting in their booth.

It’s 3:16 in the morning when a black vehicle bearing official government plates pulls up. 

A man in a suit rolls down the driver’s window.

“Hello,” he says as he extends his arm and flips open a small leather case, “I’m with the FBI. We’ve received a report about one of your foreign-descended researchers and need access to this facility immediately.”

The security guard looks at the badge housed within the leather case in front of their face.

The man in the car flips the case closed, retracts his arm, and restates, “I need access immediately.”

The security guard hesitates.

The man asks, “Is there a problem?”

The security guard responds, “What’s a problem?”

They disengage their minds from the memory waves and listen to the Talk Box.

“Spork that axle!” One honks.

The human Aesthetic Acquisition Drone gathering data from orbit notes the rules of Axle Sporkling.

• Human Memory Art, 2039 C.E.
• Aesthetic Data Gathering Patrol, 7,554,129 C.E

Se’ms Chapter Two.Two

Our group monitors an Aesthetic Acquisition Drone as it monitors us.

It Logs:

Ten yellow-scaled beings engaged in disruptive practices.

The Experienced guiding us.

Our present threat.

Our Experienced stands on the burgundy rug. 

A honey-colored hand containing nine fingers webbed below the second knuckle emerges from a fold in an emerald robe. 

The palm turns up in front of the Experiencer’s face. 

Their smooth skin is composed of interlocking half-moon scales. 

The two round eyes on the face are violet, and blink together. 

A half open lapis eye in the center of the forehead acts independently. 

The lapis eye opens fully, then rolls inward, filling the socket with a brilliant scarlet. 

A thin bone connected to the back of the neck expands, and stretches layers of fat into a dorsal fin.

The Air in the palm crackles.

A red spark blooms above the open hand. 

The spark expands.

The smile of the Experiencer dances in their Fire’s reflection. 

Their other hand helps expand the Fire. 

They leave the circle, and their Fire continues to expand.

When their arms spread wide, the flame takes shape.

It becomes a clone of the Experiencer.

Together, they pirouette and leap around the rolling lilac meadow.

The group cheers.

The Experienced ceases dancing and turns their palms upwards.

Their Fire circles above Our heads, then morphs into a long, thin body. 

It grows arms and legs twice as thick as its body, along with a fan-shaped tail.

One of us shouts, “A Volmundi!”

“Excellent!” Our Experienced replies. 

The Fire forms a large X in the air, then grows enormous wings from each appendage. 

“Easy, a Fleckap!” one yells.

“Of course! Last one!” Our Experienced responds.

The Fire shifts again, growing into a narrow body with two short arms, two legs, and a round head. 

Our group is silent and looks puzzled. 

One of us says, in a muted voice, “Human…”

“Indeed. And with that, Se hope Se have direct access to Se’ms pain. Mind Se’ms distance from the forest.” 

Our group stands, and leaves the burgundy rug.

We enter the lilac grass. 

A few of us are able to produce sparks, and two, to the cheers of those nearby, manage to evoke a true flame. 

Our mood is Laughing, Loving, and Learning. 

A loud bark and growl cuts through Our sounds. 

Our evocations cease, and we turn towards the forest.

Our Experienced evokes a Fire that whirls in a spiral above Our heads. 

The lambent light illuminates the boughs of the trees.

At the base of a tree, one of us is bleeding.. 

One of us is standing resolutely still, dripping alabaster blood down the exposed marigold skin of Our arms and legs. 

Before us stalks a large purple and black striped creature with three gnashing heads, nine legs with three protruding claws, and twelve tails splitting into three hooks dripping a liquid that foams wherever it splashes on the grass. 

The creature paces back and forth.

One of us trembles, attempting to concentrate.

The three heads snap closer to Our body. 

Some of us ready assistance.

Our Experienced objects, “No!”

One of us collapses, exhausted.

The creature tackles Our body. 

Three massive jaws rip into Our throat. 

The rest of us Feel a wave of knowledge.

The rest of us are imbued with the thoughts and memories of the creature’s meal, now being dragged deeper into the forest.

One of us, the one who’d identified the human figure, cries out and sparks a large blaze with outstretched hands. 

Some of their Fire soars towards the creature.

Their remaining Fire settles over one of Our hands.

The Fire following the creature is intercepted by a wall of Water.

These flames are extinguished. 

The Fire that settled over one of Our hands causes two of us to scream. 

Another jet of Water douses this as well.

One of Our hands is singed. 

Inside Our minds, a  voice says, “No, Se do not use Se’ms Feelings for violence.” 

The one of us who produced the Fire and ruxxed all over their hands uses their voice to roar back, “Why do Se doom Se! Why do Se let this happen when You could’ve stopped it!”

A number of us gasp at the word “You.”

Our Experienced waits for silence, then motions to the rug. 

The Aesthetic Acquisition Drone logs our activities.