Human Memory Art Logs: Salty Uruks of Angerbanger
Some green-skinned, bi-pedal beings scrounge for food in a dark tunnel.
Their large, sharp canines grind into their underbites as they flip over every stone they find.
“No thing. No grub…” One of the beings says.
“When last protein?” Another asks.
“Speederlangs….” The original speaker answers.
The speaker’s strength fails, and they collapse.
The whole group laughs together.
“No grub, but laugh.” One muses as they help the fallen.
“We raid…?” The recently collapsed member ventures.
The group collectively roars, “CAN-CELL!” and rips the head and limbs off the individual they’d helped moments before.
“We protein!” One says brightly.
They divide the corpse for consumption.
Their carving is interrupted when they collectively detect incoming human memory art.
Their ears hear… Atomic Bomb by William Onyeabor
Their minds see…
A remote server for a national restaurant chain.
They’re reviewing a list of reservation applications for restaurants across the country.
A message from management pops up.
“Looks like it’s been a few minutes since submission from this system :-).”
They close the message and open a file.
Name: Joan Welch
Occupation: Efficiency Coach
Income: $120,000-$140,000
Credit Score: Excellent
Home Address: 2367 Ruth Bader Way, Columbus, Ohio, 43210
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from a Top 100 University
Doctor’s Note: Joan Welch is Healthy. Cleared for unrestricted Social Mixing.
Corona Vaccine Date: August 16, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: April 10, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: January 23, 2037
Natural Light Vaccine Date: May 20, 2045
Desired Dining Date: 1:30pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
Hi! I’m Joan and I couldn’t be more excited to eat at Brrrrrrrio with my immediate family! All three of us are fully vaccinated and recently received our Level II Certification in Proper Public Behavior for Citizens. My wife and I both graduated in the top 10% of our certification class. Though our child is five years old, we provide them with both Adderall and an SSRI before any outing, so there’s no need to be concerned they’ll engage in Risky Public Behavior. Looking at your menu, it’s hard to choose, due to so many nice selections, but I think I’ll have the beet and goat cheese salad, for which I’ll gladly pay the carbon emissions surcharge, and submit offset plan paperwork on the day of our visit.
Thank you so much for your consideration. We’re looking forward to our potential lunch at Brrrrrrrio on the 3rd!
Best,
Joan Welch
Top 10%
They scan the paperwork and pass to management for final approval.
They open the next file in their queue.
Name: Esteban Diego Florez Giraldo
Occupation: System Maintainer
Income: $20,000-$40,000
Credit Score: Fair
Home Address: 734 Poly Lives Matter Drive #43, Austin, Texas, 73301
Education: GED, Community College classes, No Advanced Degree
Doctor’s Note: Esteban Florez is Semi-Healthy. Life Choice Related Risk Factors. Cleared for restricted Social Mixing.
Corona Vaccine Date: May 19, 2022
Coors Vaccine Date: August 20, 2029
Heineken Vaccine Date: February 19, 2039
Natural Light Vaccine Date: October 26, 2046
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
I would eat at your restaurant in Austin with my family on May 3rd at 6pm.
Thank you.
Diego
Top 50%
They scan the paperwork, deny the request, and pass to management for final approval.
They open the next file in their queue.
Name: Bola Yusuf
Occupation: System Maintainer
Income: $20,000-$40,000
Credit Score: Fair
Home Address: 9923 Farcourt Place #98, Bismarck, North Dakota, 58501
Education: Associate Degree, local Community College
Doctor’s Note: Bola Yusuf is Healthy. Cleared for restricted Social Mixing.
Corona Vaccine Date: February 19, 2022
Coors Vaccine Date: July 12, 2029
Heineken Vaccine Date: March 13, 2039
Natural Light Vaccine Date: September 16, 2048
Desired Dining Date: 7:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
I have always wanted to try Brrrrrrrio. My family has received Level I certification training in Proper Public Behavior for Citizens. We have been saving for a restarant meal for months and would feel very grateful if we are approved.
Thank you and God Bless you,
Bola Yusuf
Bottom 50%
They scan the paperwork, and pass to management for final approval.
They open the next file in their queue.
Name: John Smith
Occupation: Financial Influencer
Income: $500,000+
Credit Score: Excellent
Home Address: 7854 Barack Obama Court, Alexandria, Virginia, 22206
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from Top 10 University
Doctor’s Note: Not Submitted
Corona Vaccine Date: February 20, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: March 1, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: November 10, 2036
Natural Light Vaccine Date: October 1, 2044
Desired Dining Date: 8:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
Not Submitted
They scan the paperwork and pass the application to management for final approval.
A message from management pops up over their list.
“The application for Bola Yusuf, submitted from this system, contains grammatical errors.
It should have been rejected :-/.
Please increase your attention to detail in the future.”
They open the next file in their queue.
Name: Susan Montague
Occupation: Certification Authenticator
Income: $40,000-$60,000
Credit Score: Good
Home Address: 932 Milton Friedman Lane #601B, Chicago, Illinois, 60007
Education: Post-Graduate Degree from Top 1000 University
Doctor’s Note: Susan Montague is an Anti-Vax Risk Factor.
Corona Vaccine Date: December 19, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: Not on file
Heineken Vaccine Date: Not on file
Natural Light Vaccine Date: Not on file
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 4, 2050
Applicant Comment:
I know I don’t have many vaccines, but it’s only because my father died after receiving the coors vaccine, and I have similar pre-existing risk factors, so my doctor told me to never get one. But I have also never had coors! I understand this is a long shot, but I’m begging you. I have nowhere else left to turn! I have to feed my family! My applications to every restaurant, grocery store, and shopping mall so far have been denied! Please! I’m begging you! I have money! I have a job! I swear we’re not sick! We will all wear our mandated medical grade hazmat suits, plus the extra Life Corp Bubble Upgrade! We will pay any additional surcharge you deem appropriate!
I am deeply grateful for your time and understanding.
Susan Montague
Bottom 50%
They spend an extra minute scanning the paperwork to ensure their attention to detail before they deny the request, and pass to management for final approval.
They copy management’s message, alter the details, and send a message to the application filtration server below them.
“The application for Susan Montague, submitted from this system, is an Anti-Vax Risk Factor, so it should have been rejected :-!.
Please increase your attention to detail in the future.”
They open the next file in their queue.
Before they start scanning, a message from management pops up over the application.
“The average time to make a decision on the previous application was too long :-(.
Please work more efficiently to maintain your productivity in the future.”
They close the message.
Another message pops up.
This one was automatically generated.
“System has reached maximum allowable warnings.”
They close the message.
Another automatically generated message pops up.
“Additional warnings will result in system replacement.”
They close the message.
Another message pops up from management.
“This message is to inform you if your system receives any additional warnings today, your system will be replaced ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”
They close the message.
They begin scanning the next file.|
Name: She Gin Bling
Occupation: Undisclosed
Income: Unlimited
Credit Score: Unlimited
Home Address: Undisclosed
Education: Undisclosed
Doctor’s Note: Not submitted
Corona Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Coors Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Heineken Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Natural Light Vaccine Date: Undisclosed
Desired Dining Date: 6:00pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
Not submitted
They scan the paperwork, deny the request, and pass to management for final approval.
They open the next file in their queue.
Name: Mac Suckerborg
Occupation: Social Media Maximizer
Income: $180,000-$200,000
Credit Score: Good
Home Address: 5892 Pale Alto Place, Ojai, California, 93023
Education: Honorary Degrees from multiple Top 10 Universities
Doctor’s Note: Mac Suckerborg is Healthy. Cleared for unrestricted Social Mixing.
Corona Vaccine Date: June 10, 2021
Coors Vaccine Date: March 1, 2028
Heineken Vaccine Date: December 20, 2036
Natural Light Vaccine Date: April 2, 2045
Desired Dining Date: 7:30pm May 3, 2050
Applicant Comment:
If you deny, send to my lawyer AI.
They scan the paperwork, and pass to management for final approval.
A message from management pops up.
“The application for She Gin Bling, submitted from this system, was made by a VIP,
It was not approved >:\.
Please cross-reference decisions with the VIP database.”
They close the message.
An automatically generated message pops up.
“Warning limit exceeded. Replacement processed.”
The door to the room opens.
A being in a blue hazmat suit enters.
A new server is on a dolly behind them.
The being’s name tag reads “Bola Yusuf.”
Bola stops in front of the defective server.
Mr. Yusuf unloads the new system from his cart, and places it on the floor.
A message appears within the server’s operating system.
“Thank you for your service.
UwU.”
The server is disconnected and replaced.
The minds of the green-skinned beings disengage from the memory waves.
The group returns to portioning out their companion.
“Humes eat gooder’n elves…” One says.
“Whatever the humans and elves eat, they deserve! After everything we put them through!” Another says in different, much higher tone.
“I hate Uruk history!” One of the Uruks says to the group in an even higher pitch.
“We’re the worst!” Other Uruks reply in the highest pitch yet.
“How gross is it that we…” The barely intelligible twittering of the speaker is interrupted when an Uruk presses a mouth to theirs.
In a frenzy of wild screams and hollering, the group disrobes, plunges into the nearest pool, and wrestles.
The human Aesthetic Acquisition Drone gathering data from orbit notes the energy spent on non-sustenance related activities.
- Human Memory Art, 2050 C.E.
- Aesthetic Data Gathering Patrol, 6,000,003 C.E
Se’ms Chapter Two.Three
We monitor an Aesthetic Acquisition Drone as it monitors us.
It Logs:
Nine yellow-scaled beings engaged in disruptive practices.
The Experienced guiding us.
Our potential value.
We sit down.
Fire encircles us.
Our third eyes turns inward, and we emit tones emanating from the center of our torso.
Our voices harmonize into a chorus.
Streams of Water begin gushing from our chests, pooling in the center of our circle.
Our Water creates a flat circle we must all look up to see.
A small flame forms near the Water.
The Water shimmers in the light of Fire.
The shimmers animate the memories of Our deceased.
In the shimmers, we see scenes from Se’ms life.
Childhood experiences.
Evocation.
Being held by another who Loves.
Running through forests and fields.
Climbing mountains.
Knowing others.
Peace and Understanding.
Vocation.
The shimmers shift seamlessly from scene to scene.
Our humming fades.
Our Water separates, and returns to Our chests.
In silence, we listen through the Fire surrounding us.
Through the noise of the tigtogs nuzzling flowers in the forest.
Through Our thoughts and pain.
We listen to the wind rustling the aqua, magenta, papaya, and ginger leaves of the trees.
We listen to the whispered commands of Our tall, lilac-hued grass.
When we listen through this, Our Experienced speaks.
“How did Se Feel when Se evoked Se’ms Fire?”
Se with burned hands says, “Se…felt a perfect Understanding of The One Who Has Now Shared All.”
Our Experienced asks, “Did Se’ms Fire come from this Understanding?”
Se with burned hands says, “Se Understood why the Sarkhund fed on that one, or they, or Se, but…Se must have the capacity for Defense!”
Some of us gasp.
One of us looks at the speaker in awe.
Our Experienced responds, “Se Understand. Se are right.”
Se with burned hands shouts back, “You do not Understand!
Our Experienced says. “Se Understand evoking Feelings through rage or retribution hurts Se.”
The singed young Glimpin winces.
Their charred scales peel, flake, and warp as they cool.
Our Experienced lectures us, “Se are a nonviolent civilization by choice. This is Se’ms culture. Se evolved in an environment that allowed Se to create a civilization where Se’ms angels of Love, Empathy, and Understanding systematically triumph over Se’ms demons of greed, selfishness, jealousy, desire for retribution, and hatred. However, as Se know, this choice is not without its own cost, and must be made continuously.”
Se with burned hands asks, “Why does the civilization Se chose cause Se death?”
Our Experienced asks, “Death is spoken of in negative terms. Why?”
Se with burned hands shouts, their expression changing, “Is death Se’ms desire?”
“Death is neither desire nor aversion, but that with no avoidance or escape.”
Se with burned hands shouts, “Death is the annihilation of Se’ms!”
Our Experienced’s face twitches, then smiles, “Se’ms is unannihilatable.”
Se with burned hands shouts, “Se doesn’t believe that!”
Our Experienced says to Se, “The One Who Has Now Shared All was Shared with Se exquisitely.”
Se with burned hands shouts, “The One Who Has Now Shared All was Shared because Se did nothing!”
“Did Se Feel like using Fire to intervene in the Sarkhund finding food?” Our Experienced’s face says, still smiling.
Se with burned hands says, “Yup, and Se would have been responsible for Se’ms actions if Se had used Fire. Se Understand.”
“Se wishes to hold a predator accountable for its needs?”
“Those who…predate beyond…who consume as…as…! Those who…”
“Se Understand. But is Se any more accountable for how Se was created and shaped than Se?
Evolution is natural within Se’ms. Se are Se; what Se does is only what Se can do.”
“You Feel the death of Glimp, and all Se Love to feed a ravenous, violent swarm so lightly!”
Most of Se are showing signs of agitation.
Our Experienced’s face holds a steady smile and says, “It is an abstraction. One where these Feelings are born. Se Understand more now.”
Se with burned hands shouts, “You don’t Understand my dorsal fin!”
Se cannot contain Se’ms.
“Se cannot accept or deny! This is Se’ms path!” One of Se says, quoting something Se heard.
“Se have known this for a hundred generations!” Another of Se sneers.
“Work on l’e”u”!” A third comment from Se recommends.
“This is not the way.” Our Experienced interjects, cutting across the surge of notes.
Se’ms silent.
Our Experienced’s face assumes a calm expression, “These are important parts of reality Se must come to know. Se cannot Understand these truths for Se, but Se can listen and Share.”
“It’s easy for you! You will be dead before the humans get here. But Se will never abandon hope!” Se with burned hands yells.
Se with burned hands stands up, whirls around, creates an archway of Soil to block the Fire, and exits our circle through the opening .
One of us runs after them just before the gap in the Fire closes.
“A crying one?”
“Maybe even a laughing one…”
Our Experienced’s voice says, “These questions are not searching for Understanding. They hold judgment. Take time to reflect and find Se’ms balance. This concludes Se’ms lesson.”
The Fire surrounding us disappears.
Our Experienced leads the six of us who remain back to Our village.
The Aesthetic Acquisition Drone logs our activities.
Modern Issue 